Mommy Guilt. Ever heard of it? Ever experience it? It stinks, right? I am getting more used to feeling it and learning how to forgive myself for feeling that way. This last weekend I experienced a pretty heavy dose. Let me start from the beginning. Thursday night I had to make my way to Bismarck in order to catch a very early flight to Minneapolis for a training that I was participating in. Thursday night also consisted of Josiah and Emerson having football practice along with Ahna having gymnastics. Thank goodness my mom was able to come and help out with drop offs and keeping the younger two occupied while my husband coached Emerson’s team.
I made my way to Bismarck and spent the short night at my brother’s place. That was the first night I have spent away from Felix. Although it was nice to sleep in my own bed and not wake up to nurse him, I missed him. I missed having him snuggled in next to me. I felt terrible that when he woke up in the middle of the night my husband would have to wake up and make him a bottle instead of simply snuggling in with mom to nurse. I missed being able to see my kids in the morning and give them a hug before going to school and daycare.
Dr. Talsky teaching an assessment at the seminar
Friday for me was spent at my training until about 7pm and then off to my hotel room for food, work and finally sleep. Once again spending a night away from Felix. By this time I desperately missed being able to snuggle his soft squishiness!! Saturday morning was Josiah’s first EVER tackle football game. How I wish I could have been there. This is where my mommy guilt was at it’s peak. I hate missing these momentous occasions. It was a very wet and cold football game – just the way I enjoy watching them!! (with a coffee in hand of course) I had training Saturday until about 4 and then flew out at 10pm. I got to my brother’s place at about midnight for once again a short night before FINALLY getting on the road to see my family and spend a Sunday relaxing with them.
You see, I missed a lot this last weekend. Moments and memories that I can never get back. However, there is the other side that I choose to focus on. I got to train and learn a technique that becomes priceless. I got to focus on the ART of chiropractic for 2 days. I got to be adjusted by a master. I gained knowledge that I can bring back to my community and my practice members that can change their lives. The biggest thing for me though is that my kids see that their mom has a passion, that she never stops learning, that no matter how good we are at something we can ALWAYS be better and work on our craft. Yes, I could absolutely focus on what I missed but I am making a CHOICE to focus on the positive. There is no way to change the past. After all, I KNEW I would miss these moments and STILL made the decision to go the training. Did I have mommy guilt? Yes! But it didn’t stop me from filling my own cup!